| Procrastination Destination |
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profileKhai Rul  Create Your Badge Hi. Do you want to be my flen too? :O I don't think I'll type my full name here it is longer than this sentence only 6 people know it woot woot. Peirce kicked me in to see Jay. Just so you know, so you know if I'm the one you know, you know? I enjoy running in circles whilst moving forward. Because it is fun you should try too. And since I run, therefore I am. :D Go figure. On another note, I just realised that this skin is pretty ugly. It's making my posts seem extremely wordy and insipid. Plus, there're no pictures because I simply don't have a camera. Hints* Hints* Well, I guess it's too late to do anything. So stfu. :) (While I think of a better profile entry.) |
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Sunday, January 31, 2010If this is wrong, then.. I don't ever want to be right.I hate creating posts after you haven't been regularly updating for a long while. It's so much harder to start off typing it out. And it's amazing how its so similar to conversations you have to (some) people. Heh. Just when I begin to think my procrastination days are over. Anyway, life's been pretty hectic. Considering my freedom's gonna run out in about a week's time. Schedule's pretty packed with activities. And though two pockets always doesn't seem to be enough, I MUST STILL TANK IF NOT REGRETZZ TTM. Gonna finally go back to school tmr. Wootz. Then farewell dinner with the guys. Amazing how we all got closer ever since school ended. Hahah. And all it took was some Truth or Truth - Poker style. LOL. Iggy's enlistment on tues. Swank's on fri. Mine's on sat. And Ben's on next next next next next next next next next next week plus plus. Ni-ni-ni-niceee. Can't wait to accept this next buffer from reality. (Y) Saturday, January 16, 2010I miss school.Some people think they're so fucking smart but all they're doing is getting on my nerves. One day I promise, that I will fucking snap. Thursday, January 14, 2010Wow O.O I'm too lazy to blog alr~ Running out of braincells. I can sense the rapid depletion. Sunday, January 10, 2010I need to sleep but I don't want to miss anything cause you may wake up just about anytime now.I need to sleep but sleeping means I won't be trying to do anything. I want numb. Numb is good. And numb is when you're awake. Probably why the past few days were awfully great. :D Friday, January 8, 2010Talked to abcdef online.Convincing yet unattainable. I really don't know where to stand right now. Haha. Time's running out. Less than a month to army. I'm fucking unfit ttmfm. Call me out for soccer. Street or field or cage. Whatever. I said that it was weird maybe because I expected some form of change. But there really was none in the end. Heheh. Monday, January 4, 2010If only ultimatums were the morally right way out.Right way in, rather. Heh. Friday, January 1, 2010When darkness turns to light, 2009 ends tonight.Finally, at last, I no longer have a single new year resolution that contains a "I must make sure I will study harder this coming year". (Y) At least that's one lie less. 2009 wasn't terrible. But it COULD HAVE BEEN so much better. But hey, it was an A level year. So I guess that sums up the reasons for that share of negativity and pessimism I never seem to be able to shake off? In 2009 I feel I've really grown alot inside. Though I may always put up a playful, fun facade up in front, I think I've actually learnt to be much more serious and firm about many things. I've met more people, all who are different in personality, who each have their own way of going through life and so sometimes you gotta let go though you really feel what they're doing isn't right. I've learnt that you don't always reap what you sow but you've gotta always try to be a perfectionist if you want something so badly. To always have to aim for 200%. And if you fail then at least you get a 100%. Its already 2010 and I swear I felt this tingly feeling inside of me just as the clock stroke 12 just now. With the trackers, whom I counted down with, I was probably already too tired to wave my hands flambuoyantly or continually shout "Happy new year" consistently for 5 minutes. But perhaps deep down, I really am excited about the coming new year. Or maybe just excited that 2009 has become past. I don't expect much this coming year. (I mean what's there in army right?) Because expecting too much has been a mistake last year. This year I prefer to take things slow, let time run as it should and just enjoy the moments that are worth enjoying. In 2009 I've learnt to adapt to changes. This year, I'll just continue doing so. Hope you guys had a great time counting down. Hope you guys shun the worst of things and take with you the best things from 09. Here's to fulfilling resolutions that don't turn meaningless once you've completed them. Here's to 2010, and all the shit that it will bring with it. Happy new year :D Monday, December 28, 2009False pretense.People rank others in order of importance to themselves. And I hate this fact especially when it becomes so fucking clear and out in the open. The amount of time you spent with someone obviously no longer becomes proportionate to the amount of friendship you have with the person. And you may sense some paranoia here but I'm going to say it's got something to do with looks, reputation and pride. It's a world where hypocrites triumph with their friends-with-benefits. Where you see everyone disperse to where they really want to be. And if they can't, then well they'll settle with just anybody. I'm beginning to stop seeing genuine friendship in some people. And I only regret I didn't say anything when I've seen this before much much earlier. During this period of time I've really been able to sift out the true ones from the "true" ones. And oh my the results are pretty shocking. Hahah. Sunday, December 27, 2009Let's trade shoes"I trust you" is cold for "learn from your mistake" Pretty old song. But I guess the thing about old songs is that sometimes its lyrics never gets old. In my shoes just to see what it's like to be me I'll be you let's trade shoes Just to feel what it'd be like To feel your pain, you feel mine Go inside each others' minds Just to see what we'd find look at shit through each other's eyes Saturday, December 26, 2009Deplead....because we're all human and sane (at least most of us) and each have our own disabilities and our own level of acceptance and power to fight the intangibles. Intangibles that tend to make us a lesser being compared to others when our realization is weaker, compared to others. But though we are similar in which we all need time.. not everyone has the same amount of patience. The patience that seem to inevitably diminish as we wait for more time to come and go by. Typed a chunkful and backspaced it all after it laid in my drafts for half an hour because doing that still worked wonders. But at times, there just seem to be too much to erase. And that is why the deleting is incomplete. . . . . Oh I must mention that I can stand many things but one which i can stand least for is egotism. Simply because the world needs peace and one way (I believe) is through acceptance. Heh. Thursday, December 24, 2009.Thing is. Now I don't know if I actually want what I want. I don't know if I know what I want. Or is this just giving up? O.O Wednesday, December 23, 2009Getting away with fraug.You know that math problem sum? Where the frog tries to get out of the well and climbs up 3 metres every night because it gets only 3 metres worth of energy every night to climb that 3 metres. And that it sucks because it has to fall down 2 metres by morning each day because the amount of non-friction decides it has to slide down 2 metres of slippery well wall? And so to conclude it only climbs up 1 metre every 24hours but doesn't give up because its freedom's at stake. Heard of it? Heard of it? Heh. Point is.. it teaches us that cliche. That you have to try inhumanely hard just to get what you inhumanely want because there always seems to be a force pulling you back regardless of its form such that you usually don't get everything at one try. People go at it many times and don't succeed. (Heck. I went at it for 6 years and didn't succeed. O.O) So, I guess desire does wear us out. Desire does suck our energy and absorb our efforts. It does eventually make you doubt your abilities to get what you want if you try long enough and still don't get it. Perhaps the suffering encourages you to give up. But....... When you think about it. And when you use what they teach us in schools : compare and contrast. Everything does seem a shade better. Because as tough as wanting something can be, aren't the people who suffer the most, the ones who don't even know what they actually want? Sunday, December 20, 2009Yo ho hoHAHAHA wtf........ Xmas around the corner. Can't wait to see what happens. :D Wednesday, December 16, 2009Fountain + liquid paperPretend it's before midnight. You know, movie today was great. But it didn't beat the presence. (Y). Which reminds me. Thanks for the prezzy I'll take it as a subtle warning of what I've become or is becoming. Hahaha. (: You know when you said that you "needed a goodnight person", it struck me. Why do we need those? Aren't they a burden? Don't we hypothetically know that already? I can be one but I'm too damn lazy and forgetful and would prolly make you feel you wouldn't need them anymore. Hee hee. You know we exchanged all those stories today but none felt complete? Don't you think so? Encore maybe? For the sake of completion. Because I think everything needs closure. Really. And if it happens, its like compensation for all those nights where you don't sleep just because a few hours of thinking seemed like insomnia. You know, when I said I was "at the side", I mentioned that there're things the one in the middle already knew, But I don't know whether to act like its unknown. Since it's so fucking obvious why is it still inappropriate to be brought out right? (Then again, thanks for the present. Its like the answer to this lol~ ! :P) It's like conversations are just lies because we digress and beat about the bush. Lies because there's no motive. Questions feel like obligations they're no longer platforms for concern. Heh. And you know, you are great and I really think you are but please don't be rash hahah. Things are coming your way make the right decisions I hope you do the right thing. :D Like I said. Need. To complete. Stories. In the mean time, fill up the pages. And train hard. Remember my pokemon analogy HAHA. Monday, December 14, 2009Teh life.High guys. Sat was great. Filled with soccer, soccer and more soccer. Watched Man U's lost @ Weihao's. Then he drove us to Yishun for Macs breakfast at 4am. And I remembered studying there at the very same time, but just about a month ago. And it made having breakfast there feel so much better. I was free! Sun was rot day. Except I managed to sift out GP notes that're still useful. Feel so tempted to bind them. Maybe I'll do that soon. Oh.. I should sift out those unwanted ones out too. Then I can burn them at the beach at 3am (should there be any upcoming chalet.) Just like what I did with Shauqi and his notes. Felt pretty damn good hahaha. It's another new week. And it's already packed. This is teh life. (Y) I like. Go see my fb status. Hints.* Friday, December 11, 2009Bottles are meant to be broken.Woke up to this when I turned on the tv last week. (Y) Today I spent the whole day with the laptop. Such poor blood circulation's making me feel nauseous. Can't wait for tomorrow's remedy. Soccer. But most importantly, we're also meeting up to talk. I think I need that. Really badly. There's been a huge lack of updates (either way) so we'll do just that. Issues rise far too easy. Because people, over time, seem to change beyond repair. It sucks but it's the truth and when you tell them about it... then.. Okay.. maybe you just don't do that. Cause what if they don't accept it. Or what if you're wrong about them? After all, it's been over some time. Right? So then what? Wait some more? The situation just gets more awkward.. It feels like the feeling's still there and it's still the same as previously since it was strong. But it's not and no one admits. Sunday, December 6, 2009Post.I actually feel bad for not going home for the past 2 days. Am over at Brady's. Dois sleeping beside him and he's using Brad's mini sofa as a blanket HAHA. They're snoring in sync. -..- ANYWAY. The past few days was crazyyyy. Heh. Not much to say for prom though. I guess pictures on fb would do all the talking. And now, it's like a whole new chapter of scheduled activities. . . . So far the holidays have been just like it ought to be. (Better than the other holidays in jc, obviously.) I'm just afraid I'd get tired of it so soon. Since there's still that A level guilt of not doing well. Though I must admit I should go do more soul-searching since I've more time now heh. Mundane life = mundane blog post / obituaristic blogskin. Can't help it. Hmm.. I don't know what else to say. So I will end this abruptly yet again. -.- Saturday, November 28, 2009Words.Why can't we just be open. And say what we want such that no one feels that nothing's wrong. The process of choosing what to say can take so long. What more the process of saying them out. Or the process of adapting to its outcomes. Then again. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong issue here. Aren't words merely a form of transportation for motives. That remains opaque, or translucent at the very most, most of the time. Since the more you want to show it, the more it gets covered by the words you increasingly use? Nuff' said. At the end of the day, nothing I say here will change anything anyway. Yes? Heh. So here, I leave With words laid out And here, I leave My intention.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009Blogging in a LAN shop is LAM. (Forgive me I've lost the touch i never knew I had.)Maybe that's why most things have balance. Because one-sidedness is a wasteful addiction. Meheh. As over. (to me.) Soooooooo........ call me out...... for... mahjong trng l4d2 makan stayover soccer study cycling laser quest sleep make you a sandwich starbucks movie chalet frisbee talk cock whatever. anywhere anything as long as it can be an opiate to me. Back to L4D2 wootz. Friday, November 13, 2009Half empty or Half fullI've lost my touch. Laptop's down. And the only reason I'm online (not now) is because I went to Venice's place the other time and used windows messenger and now my account auto signs in whenever he uses his comp. O.o Anyway, as seem to show a lack of itself, I think getting straight Cs would actually be more or less a justified result (okay maybe Ds. Haha.), considering the amount of sowing I've done. Anything above, I don't deserve. And anything below, seems to be a more likely and logical picture. My expectations are at all time lows. Maybe because I want the impact to be significantly less when i get my results next year. It sucks to try to control how I want to feel. Because when I eventually can't, it just makes me feel even weaker. 4 more papers, 2 more subjects, 1 last chance. And after that, it's back to Tuesday, October 27, 2009BadlyI used to think twice before anything. Now it's worse. You're really smart. You've helped me justify a mistake. I should know my limits. 2 more weeks. So tempted to give up. But I won't. Cause it's simply the right thing to do. But what do I do after I face the music? (1:55 AM) Friday, October 23, 2009GEEEEEEEEE PEEEEEEEEEE"Here's one : What's the purpose of life? By asking this, question assumes that life is already meaningful, and so it is worthwhile to ask about what end one's life is directed towards. Which includes the search for truth (Socrates), enlightenment (Buddha), or virtuous life (Aristotle), amongst other worthy ends. Clearly an endless amount of options. And since it is difficult to establish with any certainty what the purpose of life should be, it would be meaningless to worry about how we should live it, and to live instead for the moment. Since there is no authoritative, universally agreed upon answer to what the purpose of life is, why expend all that effort on pursuing something we have no certainty of? Then again. One certainty we can have, of seeking pleasure, however fleeting, suggests that the epicurean life ought to be the purpose of our living. As long as one is happy and one's conscience is clear, why should one be compelled to accept elitist views which would favour those intellectually predisposed to an (ironically), unattainable life." It's incomplete. And yet already a fucking hornet's nest. Sigh. Should really sleep now. (11:58 PM) Thursday, October 22, 2009Who got vectors question ask me. :DI seem to have forgotten about this space. That's a good thing. Yes? Got my NS letter. And to all those who're wondering. You can take back all the 'prejudice' post-its that's been stuck on the "can't-reach" areas of my back. Because. I never. Tio. Police. Or CD. And.. that's a good thing too. Yes? :B Someone get me an army phone before 6 Feb pls thx thx. Because.. I lost Janice's. Mehe. For nowwww. I will have to just believe that I will make it. And continue studying. (Oh how we all hate to see that word.) I've understood the value of a month, a week, a day and an hour at one go. .... What else can I say. Life sucks guys. What's new manzzzzz.. Oh right. Maybe the 10k race this Sat. Which'll be the first ever 10k race I've ever ran in my entire life. (believe it or not.) Can't wait to show the running skillz that I possess. (Or the lack of it.) Heh. And I thought people would feel much happier and be trouble-free after exams. But I guess studying has actually been a buffer for reality. I'd prolly face the same thing after As. Been really hiding for a long time. Seems like there's no other way but through. No matter how thick the wall is. Maybe all we need is a crack. (1:44 AM) Friday, October 16, 2009I'm really old.I still can't believe I just graduated from CJC. 2 years back I wouldn't even think I'd make it this far. Nor would I think I'd be on a small part of the cover of the grad CD. Hoo Hoo Hoo~ ! I really want to make this a nice post. But I'm too lazy to post pictures. Or think of impactful sentences that can trigger nostalgia. Maybe tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the day after. Or the day after. *chants* (11:57 PM) Thursday, October 15, 2009I saw this coming. Still, I don't know why I let you in~Good Charlotte - Predictable (Y) Two days ago, I thought all the pessimism dry. If you get what I mean. My phone's going really low on battery life I have to carry my charger everywhere I go. If only there were sockets everywhere then I wouldn't have to look so profusely in vain. The past few days was shit. But on the bright side I managed to let everything out. (Okay maybe not everything but at least the gist of it's out.) Talking = (Y) Shutting up = (N) Managed to finish GP essay an hour ago. I need to read so much more. "Formal education is becoming increasingly irrelevant." Assess validity. VALID VALID VALID. Because if it was invalid, it wouldn't be an issue and it wouldn't even be a prelim question if it wasn't worthy enough to be an issue. Right right right? ._. I am too lazy to click on my timetable I will go to school without looking at my schedule. As it is the coolest thing one could ever do in life. To go through it unprepared and still survive. I'm unprepared. I'm surviving. Sort of. But still.. (Insert appropriate smiley.) I miss Peirceans so fucking badly. 2 months can do alot of things to things. Things that are tough, that ought to stay intact and strong can rust. Rust is.. sadly.. irreversible. I sense a one-sided cold war. And I'm not gonna do anything about it. Because that is the point. To not intensify it. Right right right? ._. (1:10 AM) Sunday, October 11, 2009Remembering SundayAWESOMESTTTTT SONGGGG EVAAA :B He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes Started making his way past two In the morning He hasn't been sober for days Leaning now into the breeze Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees They had breakfast together But two eggs don't last Like the feeling of what he needs Now this place seems familiar to him She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin She led him upstairs She led him upstairs Left him dying to get in Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling I'm calling at night I don't mean to be a bother But have you seen this girl? She's been running through my dreams And it's driving me crazy, it seems I'm gonna ask her to marry me Even though she doesn't believe in love He's determined to call her bluff Who could deny these butterflies? They're filling his gut Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces He pleads though he tries But he's only denied Now he's dying to get inside Forgive me, I'm trying to find my calling I'm calling at night I don't mean to be a bother But have you seen this girl? She's been running through my dreams And it's driving me crazy, it seems I'm gonna ask her to marry me The neighbors said she moved away Funny how it rained all day I didn't think much of it then But it's starting to all make sense Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds Are following me in my desperate endeavor To find my whoever, wherever she may be I'm not coming back (Forgive me) I've done something so terrible I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling) But you'd expect that from me I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt (You're driving me crazy) Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair And out of my mind Keeping an eye on the world From so many thousands of feet off the ground I'm over you now I'm at home in the clouds, towering over your head I guess I'll go home now I guess I'll go home now I guess I'll go home now I guess I'll go home (12:41 AM) Thursday, October 8, 2009I thought I thought.It's really hard to get at least a 9-hour straight study session on a school day. Today I did it. It was somewhat productive. But I didn't even manage to finish one chapter of econs. (One which I didn't think was hard at all.) If As was tomorrow, I'd still get the same grades as prelims. 33/34 more days and counting. I really don't know if it's enough. But I will try my best. Grad day next week. Wonder how significant it will be to me. JC life has been... I don't know... Overwhelming I guess. Now, everyone I meet either has notes or books with them. Can't wait for the time when I meet people to have a decent meal, slack and just a chat without ever having the need to think about the fact that I'm supposed to be studying instead. I swear I can't remember the last time this happened. I have never hated subconsciousness so much before. One minute it lets you think about the effects of globalization, and then the next it lets you think about what will happen if you retain/fail/whatever. Possibilities = bane. Maybe I just have to realise that no matter where my mind takes me, it still leads me back to the fucking paper, and pen. I wrote "solace" on my notes a couple of times today. Because it was used during GP. Or maybe I was subconsciously acknowledging a desire. O.O My point is. I digress. Nuff said... Tomorrow.. will be.. a new day.. Study smart guys~ ! PS: I'm really fine. Just being an A-level student. (No sarcasm intended whatsoever.) (12:52 AM) Wednesday, September 30, 2009SignsLike I said, I should stop talking. A one-word title won't stop me because I am invincible. (HA~) I am here to declare my prelim results. They are simply.... -wait for it- -wait for it- -wait for it- -wait for it- -wait for it- Fucked Up. S S U U D guys. And then now some will start to think to themselves. "The ol' stereotyping thing must be true. This is the justification at its best." I feel that my hands have turned red. But ultimately I chose this path. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. (12:56 AM) Wednesday, September 23, 2009HiatusThe road through faith seems to be most convincing right now. "Just say a prayer. And you'll do just fine." Really? Does it really work that way? Or is it just merely motivation? It's not really working for me. (like duhh right?..) My never-ending prayers have been unheard of never-endingly and I've simply given up. I've been wondering about something for quite some time though. Whatever you practise or train up, you'll be exceptionally good in that area. Is that true? I've been in track since sec 1. That's 6 fucking years. And before that, I don't think I ran fast. Would probably even suffer from cardiac arrest if I ran >3km? O.O But after years of training 4/5 times a week, running in macritchie, bishan park, CCAB, Botanic Gardens, training with ankle weights on for a short period of time, and competing in inter-schools, I don't think 5km is any difficulty. Or running, regardless of any distance, for that matter. I must admit that I didn't know running was something to be afraid of until I began competing. But of course, it's even more scary to anyone who doesn't run at all. I used to think that I'm only mediocre, because I could never understand how some runners can run at impossible speeds, like <52secs for 400m, <2minutes for 800m or even <16 minutes for 5km. Were they born with superior genes and pray like mad that they do well or do they just simply train 7 times a week and it's really cause of hard work? I guess if you sacrifice/practise enough, you'll get what you want. And that's probably the only way to do well for A levels, sacrificing time.. Since the start of the year, I've been talking and talking. Now, there's less time to sacrifice, but there's time nonetheless. I should stop hoping so much and start walking instead. (11:11 PM) Saturday, September 19, 2009You can have my grain.too much agriculture's no good. O.O? migraine (mī'grān') Pronunciation Key A severe recurring headache, usually affecting only one side of the head, that is characterized by sharp, throbbing pain and is often accompanied by nausea, vomiting, sensitivity to light, and visual disturbances. Vasodilation in the brain causes inflammation that results in pain, but the exact cause of migraine is unknown. T5's class outing yesterday. It was. O. K. I. Guess. "Billy bombers bomb our pocket" as Swank would say. Sigh. (Envies other classes.) Last night I dreamt I was drowning in an ocean of lecture notes. I survived because I managed to hold on to a laminated certificate. It had my name. But under the 'My Grade' section there was a middle finger. And below that there was a "Wake Up". And I woke up. O.O? I'm tired of the S word. I need to educate myself further. I will. I must. I can. (2:15 PM) |
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